Support Group for Parents and Teachers

Learning Self-Discipline

Just as children function at different levels in algebra (for example), they also function at different levels of discipline. It is possible to set up a consistent system for classroom discipline that will be appropriate for children functioning at all levels - and at the same time - encourage them to work their way up to higher levels.

Although the progression from level to level is the same, the rate varies from student to student. This is why teachers need to be prepared to address discipline in their classrooms at different levels. Their children are functioning at different levels on the road to self-discipline.

Here are the levels and the associated behavior that occurs at the particular level:

Level 1—

Children functioning at level 1 are typically unruly (i.e., they often refuse to follow directions). They are defiant and require a tremendous amount of attention. They have few rules of their own, but out of fear of reprisal, may follow the rules of adults. Most youngsters progress beyond this level by age 5, but a few older children still function at this level.

This is the power level. What makes it work is the imbalance of power between the youngster and the teacher. When the child is young, the imbalance of power between him and his mother or father is significant. If the youngster is never taught a higher level, the imbalance of power diminishes as he grows up. The parent then states that she can no longer control her youngster. He will not mind. He challenges authority constantly.

Fortunately, very few of the children in the classrooms function at this level. Those who do, follow rules as long as the imbalance of power tilts against them. Assertive educators with a constant eye on these children can keep them in line. Turn your back on them for one minute, and they are out of control.

If these children want something, they usually just take it. They show very little concern for the feelings of others. They seek out extensions of power. Pencils, scissors, and rulers become weapons in their hands.

Level 2—

Children functioning at level 2 are a little easier to handle. They also represent only a small percent of the youngsters. They can be classified as having an individualistic morality. They can be very self-centered.

This is the reward and consequence level. These children behave either because they (a) will receive some sort of reward, or (b) don’t like what happens when they don’t behave. Most kids are moving beyond this level by the time they are 9-years-old. Older children who still function at this level do best in classrooms with assertive educators.

There is very little sense of self-discipline at this level. Like the power level kids, these youngsters need constant supervision. They may behave quite well in the classroom, and then be out of control in the hallway.

Level 3—

Children functioning at level 3 make up most of the youngsters in middle and junior high schools. These students have started to develop a sense of discipline. They behave because they are asked to.

This is the mutual interpersonal level. They care what others think about them, and they want you to like them.

These kids need gentle reminders. When the teacher asks them to settle down – they do. Assertive discipline works with these children because they understand it, but they rarely need such a heavy handed approach to classroom discipline.

Quite often you find children in the classroom that are in transition from level 2 to level 3. You may know of a child that gets into lots of trouble in other classrooms – but not in yours. This youngster is just learning to trust others and build the interpersonal relationships that are more common with his peers. Teachers need to let this particular student know that his good behavior is important to you not only in your class, but in others as well. Nurture this youngster, and you will see quick progress. Be unnecessarily assertive, and he will slip back to level 2.

Level 4—

Children functioning at level 4 rarely get into trouble. They have a sense of right and wrong. Although many middle school and junior high school children will occasionally function at this level, only a few consistently do. These are the youngsters teachers enjoy working with. The teacher can leave these students alone with a project and come back 30 minutes later and find them still on task. They behave because, in their minds, it is the right thing to do.

Children who function at level 4 do not appreciate assertive discipline. They are bothered by the fact that other children force educators to use so much class time dealing with discipline problems.

Although most children don’t usually operate at this level, they are near enough to it that they understand it. Cooperative learning activities encourage children to function at this level. Teachers who set-up several groups within the class give children a chance to practice working at this level (while the teacher waits close by, ready to step in if needed).

When you identify the level at which a child is functioning, you can then help that youngster work to the next level. It is a mistake to try and skip levels. Insisting that a level 1 child “get his act together” (similar to a level 4 child) is not a reasonable expectation. Instead, set your goal on level 2. You may be pleasantly surprised when you start to notice improvement.

Any youngster is capable of regressing every now and then. When you really get to know your children and are used to them functioning at a particular level, it is important to look for a reason when one of your children regresses. Problems with family members, friends, alcohol, or drugs may be behind a shift in behavior. It simply might be tiredness or the onset of illness. Whatever the cause, it is worth taking the time to talk with the child and see what’s going on.

Learning self-discipline is just like learning anything else. Your children aren’t always going to get it right the first time. So, teachers need to be patient with the process. Help them some more, and when you think they are ready, give it another try.

==> Parenting and Teaching Children and Teens with Oppositional Defiant Disorder

Dealing with the Violent Student: 45 Tips for Teachers

Students who exhibit violent behavior present the most difficult challenge to educators and moms and dads. Such students may be defiant, start fights, push, kick, hit or grab, throw things, verbally threaten classmates or staff, or destroy property. Some students respond to verbal prompts to interrupt and stop this type of behavior. Others act-out with little obvious provocation and, once they “lose it,” cannot be reached until they have exhausted their rage.

Typically, these students do not handle transitions or unexpected change well and have low tolerance for frustration. This is different from violent behavior that is “episodic” (i.e., out of the norm for the child and perhaps the result of an isolated event at school or home) or “goal oriented” (i.e., employed to achieve a specific desire or targeted at a specific person).

The underlying cause(s) of violent behavior are complex and may be accompanied by other negative behaviors or problems. The most effective way to help such students is to give them the mechanisms to recognize and prevent outbursts before they happen. While the intensity and specificity of interventions may differ, certain “teacher’s strategies” can help build and reinforce positive behavior in all children.

Educators are instrumental to creating a school environment in which students learn positive behavior skills. Much of the time educators spend is focused on disciplining or “cleaning up” after a rage-attack, often with little long-term benefit. Certainly discipline plays a role in violence prevention, but it should be employed as a teaching mechanism, not just a means of containing the behavior. Comprehensive prevention strategies and an intervention process that emphasizes problem solving, not punishment, and facilitates collaboration between staff, moms and dads, and children should be implemented.

Prevention and Problem Solving Strategies—

1. “Normalizing” social learning enables students to understand that violent classmates need extra help from the teacher to learn to cope with frustration.

2. Address the underlying issue(s) and help the child reframe his objective (e.g., learning to master the task instead of avoiding it).

3. Ask the moms and dads to identify triggers and precursor behaviors that they have observed and to recommend coping strategies that work at home.


4. Ask the school psychologist to develop uniform criteria for assessing behavior. This helps minimize inconsistencies in referrals due to different behavior tolerances among school staff.

5. Avoid beginning the conversation with moms and dads by offering a litany of negatives. Instead emphasize the child’s strengths and how they can be built into the problem solving process.

6. Build trust with children by being accessible and encouraging.

7. Communicate to children, staff, and moms and dads expectations for behavior and how specific social skills will help children achieve that behavior.

8. Congratulate students when you see them make a good choice.

9. Convey that your involvement in a problem does not signal a failure on the child’s part, but rather your commitment to help him find a solution. This problem solving approach helps establish a sense of trust with the child and reduces parent defensiveness.

10. Designate an office or special place as a “time out room” for students who need to regain safe control. Make sure students know where it is and what adult(s) will be there to help them. This is often the counselor’s office or your office.

11. Determine the circumstances that trigger outbursts. Identifying a pattern of when and how the child acts out helps define the factors that trigger the behavior and, subsequently, suggests strategies that will most effectively correct it.

12. Develop a problem solving, team approach with other teachers and administrators.

13. Develop a signal between the teacher and child that says, “I am having trouble,” and allow the child extra time to complete work or transition to another activity, or provide alternative means to do an assignment.

14. Do not try to establish your relationship with moms and dads over the phone. Schedule a meeting. Good face-to-face communications from the start will minimize confrontation and help parents view you and staff as a resource.

15. Eliciting the help of a classmate can be effective.

16. Engage moms and dads as partners. The cooperation of the child’s parents is essential to changing difficult behavior. The child is almost certainly exhibiting similar behavior at home. Mother and fathers themselves may be worried or frustrated.

17. Establish a “safe” place in the classroom where the child can collect himself.

18. Violent behavior is often linked to a psychiatric diagnosis (e.g., bipolar disorder, oppositional defiant disorder, ADHD, Tourette Syndrome, Asperger’s disorder, depression). Work with the moms and dads and school psychologist to identify the cause as well as triggers for the behavior, and to determine if a more thorough psychiatric evaluation is warranted.

19. Foster values of empathy, caring, respect, self-awareness, and self-restraint.


20. Give students a common language with which to express their feelings and communicate with peers and grown-ups.

21. Have educators introduce expectations at the beginning of the year and regularly incorporate opportunities for learning coping skills into the school day.

22. Help students distinguish between unacceptable behavior and acceptable differences in learning and socialization.

23. Help the child build communication and self-control skills.

24. Students usually have a pattern of behaviors that express their growing frustration (e.g., clenching their fists, jiggling their leg, or making sounds of exasperation). These clue the teacher as to when to intervene.

25. Identify the underlying impetus of the behavior. Determine why the child resorts to violence or aggression in the first place. Ultimately the behavior is accomplishing what the child wants—or feels he wants—and it is important to know why.

26. Implement a school-wide approach to build positive behavior skills for all children.

27. In some cases, the best approach may be to keep the child away from those situations that prove especially difficult.

28. In the beginning of the school year, school staff may need to intervene quite a bit, but the eventual objective is to enable the child to manage his reactions himself.

29. Know that the parents of the child in question may need to adjust some of their own behavior or approach to the problem and may feel they are being judged. So be sensitive to this possibility.

30. Lay out an action plan for students to help themselves and each other behave appropriately.

31. Maintain open communication with moms and dads and determine how they prefer to be contacted if their child is having difficulty (e.g., a phone call, note home, or e-mail).

32. Model the skills you want the students to learn.


33. Provide a universal language or set of steps to facilitate learning desired behaviors.

34. Provide students the natural opportunity to learn and practice alternative skills under a variety of daily circumstances.

35. Provide support staff, including playground aides, lunchroom monitors, and bus drivers, with advice on how to deal effectively with the child.

36. Put the aggressive child’s need for more intensive interventions within the positive context of learning something everyone else is learning.

37. Reach out to moms and dads. Invite them to let you know if they are concerned about behavior problems at home. Offer to be a resource.

38. Reinforce behavior values and desired skills throughout the building by using bulletin boards, wall charts, morning announcements, etc.

39. Remember that the cost of prevention strategies is far lower than the cost of remediating or containing far more serious problems down the road.

40. Show the child that you are an advocate for his success. Students with serious behavior problems may need extra encouragement to feel supported. Begin interactions with the child by acknowledging some strength. Go out of your way to catch him succeeding.

41. Stay in front of the rages. Everyone is better off if grown-ups can help the child stop the violent behavior before it starts. Not only does this minimize the negative impact on others, it changes the child’s expectation that “losing it” is his only option.

42. Teach the child to recognize signs that he is getting frustrated and the corresponding feelings and thoughts in order to implement coping strategies before losing control.

43. Try to spend some time with the child other than in the midst of a crisis.

44. Work with all of the grown-ups involved - and the child - to determine what approaches are most effective. If applicable, these strategies would be incorporated into the child’s IEP.

45. You may need to “ignore” certain non-risky behaviors (e.g., walking around in the middle of class) that, when interrupted, set the child off.

==> Parenting and Teaching Children and Teens with Oppositional Defiant Disorder