When Jayne was four or five, she pretty much controlled the house. Somehow she had figured out exactly what she could get away with. She also was able to figure out where her parent's weak points were. More amazingly, she figured out where the weak points in their marriage were. This got so bad that her parents went to marriage counseling and finally adopted a policy of "united we stand, divided we fall" in regards to Jayne. This certainly helped keep Jayne in line in her elementary school years. Jayne also had ADHD, but it was never too severe. She only had to take medication for a few years at the end of elementary school. As she became a teenager, she began to have problems. The loss of a boyfriend led to cutting her wrists.
She always was in some sort of turmoil with her friends or the youth group. People were always trying to "save" her. The school counselor and the youth group leader both "knew in their hearts" that Jayne needed a lot of attention and special care and encouraged her parents to be more understanding on her sensitive nature. Jayne's grandfather said that he "knew in his heart" that Jayne needed a swift kick in the rear. As the teenage years went on, these problems just continued. She got involved in some minor crimes like shoplifting, tried vomiting to lose weight, and smoked pot. Each time she made such a big deal about the whole thing that her parents could hardly stand it. When she was 18, she moved in with an older guy who she thought "really understood her". They have been separated about six times so far. Her life continues in turmoil.
This points out the fact that sometimes, even with great parenting, things don't turn out so well. However, many times with aggressive intervention things go more like this:
Ricky was always hyper and always quite the con artist. The neighborhood mother's never really trusted him. He got referred after he hit the teacher hard enough to knock her down in second grade. We did everything. He took medications for his ADHD. The parents followed through with every type of intervention for ODD. He was very involved in cadets as a teenager. When he was about 19, I met his mother in a store. She wanted to tell me how well he turned out. He was still a bit of a hot head and was still on meds for ADHD, but he was working and had a steady girlfriend. He was hoping to join the militia. Ricky had turned out just fine.
My Out-of-Control Child: Parenting/Teaching Children with ODD
* ODD Support Group for Parents and Teachers